Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
