Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
