her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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