I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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