We won't sleep together?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
