so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
