Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
