I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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