Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
