I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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