I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
