id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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