People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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