Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
