just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
