If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
