I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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