Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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