Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
