Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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