That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
