he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize