I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
