I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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