I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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