hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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