Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
