what day is it and did you see me today?
handjob tips. give me some.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
