She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
