My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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