I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
