she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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