he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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