Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
