I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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