I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
