now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
