i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
