Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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