he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
