I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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