Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
