yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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