Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
