Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
