i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize