Only a mothe r could love this liver
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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