Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
