She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
