Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just forgot I was standing up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
