Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MIDGETS
????
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
