I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
