he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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