so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
