You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
