dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
