If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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