whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
