Swine flu. Run for my life!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
