They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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