don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
