Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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