It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize