Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize