Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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