if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize