Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
