Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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