Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
