I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is wine microwaveable?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
