I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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