im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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