we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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